That’s How I Roll

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The woosh of wind came into the store vestibule as the door opened. My hubby and I were debating if I should try out the electric scooter the store offer. I was declining because I had a knee scooter. You kneel the injured or healing leg by kneeling. Propel yourself with the other foot /leg. I had recently had foot surgery and used crutches and a knee scooter to get around.
I assured him that I would be fine just using the knee scooter. I never had one of these babies before when I injured my ankles or feet. I have an extensive crutch collection in my garage to prove this. I plan as using them as a macabre trellis in my garden.
I pushed the knee scooter at high speed with my left foot, quickly grabbing the items I needed. This lasted for one department of the store. My left hip joint screamed, “What the hell are you doing?” My right knee chimed in,” All this weight! Are we in the confessional?” By the time we hit the garden area I was in search of patio furniture to sit on. I wish I would have listened to Hubby.
On the next adventure of shopping, a friend took me out. I did use the electric scooter. It was amazing. I was sitting and flying around the store. I needed a bra and my friend was going to check out the clearance aisle. We were to meet in the lingerie department. That is where it went wrong.
I arrived at the lingerie department. The isles were close, but I was able to slowly enter the rainforest thickness of undies and bras. I turned right just past the display of Bootie Enhancers. I have done a zillion exercises to decrease my booty, who knew I was fashionable.
I realize as I passed the shapewear display, I needed to go shopping more often. There were ways to shape every body part. If I had searched, I am sure I would have found a transparent neck shaper.
I passed bushes of undies piled on the steel branches. I couldn’t find bras. The isle was too narrow and I shouldn’t be driving a scooter through this lace-filled maze. Yet I was trapped and had to go forward. The reality of it is when I made the last turn a rack caught on the scooter and started following me. Other racks saw this and thought they too would tag along. So I was the leader of a conga line with assorted intimate apparel following me. I kept moving forward. I knew my friend would help me put the racks back into place. That is after she quit laughing.
I thought I had spied bra hanging from another display rack. As I edge closer, I realized they were training bras with the telltale pink heart on the bra strap.
I pushed forward on my quest only to be blocked by a large display of scrapes of fabric on wooden shelves. I slowed to a turtle pace thinking I could slowly pass the display. The scooter lunched forward crashing into the display of scraps of fabric. The colorful fabric fluttered into the air and several landed on me and the scooter. I picked one up to realize I had hit the display of thongs. The multicolored thongs lay scattered like fallen leaves on and around me.
My phone rang, it was my friend. When I answered it she asked where I was and did I know what happened in the lingerie department.
I told her to follow the path of destruction and she would find me trapped by a pile of colorful thongs.
Her laughter announced her arrival to my predicament.

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