Emails

For the last 2 hours I have been unsubscribing and deleting 800 emails. That is right 800 emails. In defense of the email gods, I have not checked my email in two days. Majority of these 800 emails I haven’t a clue why they are being sent to me.
The erectile dysfunction and penis enlargement ads have me scratching my head. In tandem with the previous emails are all the swinging singles group emails. Silver Fox Singles, Descending the Hill Singles, and let me not forget to mention the Wild Widow and Widowers Club of Discretion. Honestly, I was curious about the Wild W&W. Why is the phase, club of discretion, needed to be in their name? I almost clicked it to open but deleted it instead. I could only fathom what a visual assault I would see once the open button was activated.
Hair replacement emails come almost daily. I am at that age when mysterious hairs pop up all over my body. I do not want more.
I understand where some of the emails have made it to my inbox. I was looking for information on how to raise chickens. I found many demanding I knit leggings for my chickens which isn’t going to happen at my farmette. I ventured into the world of self-sufficiency / the world is going to end tomorrow blogs. I will in a future post share that journey. Going to the survivalist websites I now know how to booby trap my yard. How to grow, hide and store food for several years. Along with making weapons out of toilet paper rolls. All skills everyone should know. I also have been invited via emails to get my conceal to carry gun permit online. Doesn’t that sound safe?
The airlines try to entice me with special deals. I do travel but the airlines must think I have traveled to all the corners of the world. That expression, all the corners of the world, I do not understand. The world is round. If you think it is flat I can probably send you an email linking to many conspiracy theory websites. However, I do like to see where Bigfoot has been visiting lately.
That does lead me into the next round of emails that I am a conspiracy theorist. I do know where that assumption originated. I was double-checking for truth with all the mudslinging in the past election. Oh, the sites that led me to
Prior to the election, because of my search for truth, I would get emails from the Democratic, Republican, Legalize Marijuana, and one that wanted to elect a rock. I did find the last one a wee bit intriguing.
Emails that tell me I have unclaimed inheritance never get open. I am also related to a sheik in a country I have never heard of, never opened that one either.
To summarize what my email inbox describes me as a recently widowed 75-year-old bald man looking for love. Wife died in the yard by forgetting where all the booby traps were when she was picking tomatoes in the garden. I support all political views as I come from royalty and must be neutral. I enjoy traveling and never afraid as I learned gun safety on the internet. I am well off, as I will be receiving a large inheritance soon. I love to eat in as I have stockpiled enough food for the next 70 years. Yes, that includes toilet paper. Marijuana use is okay by me. Spending an evening making useful things out of toilet paper rolls is a great evening. I do have a small penis, but I have magic pills and soon I will have a penis of massive enlargement and I am sure you will nickname Moby. Please email with the code “word end of times” in the subject. You never know who is watching.