Snarky Smartwatch

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I put on my smartwatch, and the bastard said, “You took it easy yesterday; let’s see if today we can close more rings.” That was from my activities/fitness app.
Well, MS smarty pants, while you were low in an energy coma and sitting on your charger, I was doing this.
I was outside scraping ice and shoveling snow. I do this to keep our driveway and walkways safe for delivery people and people visiting us. Selfishly I do it for myself, so I don’t fall, knock myself out, and get hit by one of the delivery trucks as I lay unconscious in my driveway.
I don’t see anyone visiting you. You are such a snob that you barely help me find your coworker, my phone. When I hit the find my devices app, you yawn and pause. By the time you connect with my phone, I have done two laps around the house, hoping to hear the jingle tone of “I am here.” from my phone. Don’t tell me you were trying to get me to close a ring on my activity app.
I was outside for 3 hours hauling 45lbs bags of salt. I poured the salt into a smaller bucket so I could gingerly walk up and down our steep driveway. Avoiding and spreading salt on black ice patches.
The snowdrifts were shoveled down so my pups could have a place to poo.
I carried 5 gallons of water to plants in the greenhouse and those wintering in a shed.
The snow on our deck needed to be gone by nightfall. Unfortunately, another round of snow was on its way.
Where were you? Taking a power nap.
That is just what I did outside. When I came in, you weren’t fully charged. Because you weren’t tucked in perfectly on your charge station. I think you moved on your own so you could have an easy day.
While you rested, I did laundry and cleaned the kitchen, which included sweeping and washing the floor. Then, I continued “taking it easy” by tackling the closet that houses our winter wear. I put you on after I was done and was taking it easy before I took the dogs out for a walk. Being strapped to my wrist, you didn’t know I went up and down hills with snow drifts over a foot high.
May I remind you that you were a gift from my family? They know I am outside every day, every season, and in all types of weather conditions. They wanted me always to have you on so they would know where to find my body on our property if I fell. That is overdramatic. You are a smartwatch. You will know if I fall and need medical assistance and call for help.
Who am I kidding? You will send a snarky text, “Time to get moving” or “There is still time to close another circle.”
Due to being unconscious, I won’t be closing any circles.

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