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I, like many women of a certain age, have body issues. I am not talking about the size of body issues. My metabolism left and isn’t coming back.
I am talking about how suddenly, at a certain age, your body starts growing things all over. There are skin tags and moles that appear overnight. The worse is welcoming back acne.
My biggest nemesis is the mysterious long coarse black hair. It appeared one day, not as a mustache hair but dead center on my cheek.
Appalled, I plucked it out. Why didn’t my hubby tell me I had a 2-inch black hair on my cheek? He didn’t notice or thought it was a wrinkle.
The following day, I took a bit of time to look at my face. Searching for any black hairs. The hair was back, in the same spot, only longer. How could that be? I plucked it out again and flushed it down the toilet.
Two days later, it appeared between my eyebrows. I felt that black hair was mocking me. I grab my hair depilatory cream. I was going to win this battle. I was wrong. The hair just grew more with the cream. I plucked it out.
A few days passed without Coarsie returning. Yes, I named the hair. If it is going to take up residents on my body, I can name it. I was half asleep and getting ready for my day when I glanced in the mirror. I had a hairy bug on my upper lip! I put on glasses and realized the astonishing fast-growing hair had returned and brought friends. A miniature bush of coarse hairs stood their ground, mocking me. I used a razor thingy for women’s facial hair. It turned the bush into a stump which I thought could pass as a sexy birthmark. By noon I was painfully plucking it out.
I had an appointment with my podiatrist. I shaved my legs twice. I wasn’t going to be embarrassed with shaggy hairy ankles. As my doctor looked at the surgical site on my foot. I saw the long coarse hair sticking straight up. It was a toe hair! As the doctor bent to examine, I realized that Coarsie could poke his eye out. The Mamma Bear took over. How could it not? All Doctors remind me of Doogie Hawser and need my protection. I jumped and pulled my foot away. I almost had to stay in my boot/cast for another two weeks. Doogie thought I was in pain. How do I tell him that I just saved him from being blinded by a mysterious long toe hair?
I don’t know how to deal with this persistent coarse hair, but I ordered a waxing kit. It should be fun. I need to practice. Any volunteers?

One Reply to “WILD HAIR”

  1. Hilarious Mona! I can totally relate, it seems like every couple of days there’s some new skin tag, bump, hair or mole! I remember talking to my Dad about it and he said that his doctor told him that we’re like old, sunken ships that grow barnacles on them! Speaking of wonky hairs, I have one in my right eyebrow right now that’s driving me nuts!

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